Pastor Mary Haley

We have been discussing how to “connect” with difficult personalities; people who are a challenge to love.  God’s grace is always available to give us the strength to be loving to others.  Now, whether we respond and receive that grace is another thing, isn’t it?  As important as it is to learn how to positively influence and minister to everyone around us, it is essential that we pay attention to the people we invite into our relational inner circle of connection because they will influence us.

A challenge for you today:  Do you bring people into your inner circle who have positive and rich life experience?  These folks have been down the road a piece and contain great wisdom and tools for your life.  Set yourself up to learn and gain essential understanding from them; invite them in and connect.  Tap into Christ in others and you will find a great treasure.  “In him lie hid all the treasure of wisdom and knowledge.”

God is the Creator and he has made many kinds of people; many different personality types.  Some people can be a challenge when it comes to making relational connections.  These challenges can be good as they cause us to work toward unity.  God calls us to be One in Christ Jesus.  Well, that certainly will take some work!  Because we are more powerful together than in isolation, we need to press through the difficulties to find a way to “connect” with one another.  Today’s difficult personality is a drag to the emotions: The Downer.

No matter how full the glass seems to you, The Downer will not be able to see it.  This person struggles to entertain a positive thought; negativity is the benchmark.  Life’s challenges have robbed his/her ability to grab hold of the greater Hope. Sadly, although this person might have great potential to be a leader, no one will allow him/her to lead because they would drag everyone around them down.

Possible Coping Strategies:  Extend compassion and seek to paint a new picture of life for The Downer.  But for the grace of God, the Lifter of our heads, we could all wind up living life as The Downer. Can you testify that life can rob you if you allow it?  It is only when we set our focus on things above that we have Hope; live for eternity.  If you and I only looked at our circumstances, we would be BLUE…too.  Honesty is really important when dealing with The Downer; he/she may not realize how negative they sound.  It has become a lifestyle; a comfort zone.  Put on the love of Christ, call forth a heart of compassion, and tell those who tend to be negative how that spirit affects you; tell the Truth. Don’t cater to the negativity; confront it.  God just might be calling you to be a positive mouthpiece that brings discipline to another of His children.  Will you be God’s mouthpiece to lift The Downer?

“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening-it’s painful!  But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” Hebrews 12:11.

Our chat about different personality types continues, today, with a focus on The Dreamer.  Oh, how wonderful it is to dream and live in the “way beyond,” but this person has difficulty coming down out of the clouds to get something done!  Do you know The Dreamer?

The thing that makes The Dreamer difficult is that although his/her ideas are amazing and they can talk to you about one idea after another, most of the time they do not have the strategy portion thought out.  Now, for those of us who lean on the personality side of “git-r-dun” we really may feel like stringing this person up by their toes.  But, cut them some slack, because many times The Dreamer does not know how to manifest the dream in tangible ways.  This person can be a real challenge to deal with if you are trying to work with him/her on tasks or jobs that have a deadline.  The Dreamer wants to talk and we are frustratingly waiting at the starting gate looking at our watches!

Possible Coping Strategies:  Remember, most of the time this person is not trying to annoy us; that is not the motive.  A visionary–The Dreamer–just needs to connect/partner with a strategist.  It is important to help The Dreamer develop his/her gifts further; to help bring an action skeleton to the ideas.  If we can help him/her see that an idea will work and this is a way, then we can help them begin to think further in how to make the idea happen–stretch the thinking and build excitement.  This will cause The Dreamer to feel valuable.  Don’t let The Dreamer stay in the clouds; share God’s love by helping him/her grow and learn how to manifest a dream.

“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”  1 Peter 4:8

People are all different and we need to learn how to appreciate one another.  That is easier said than done when dealing with personality types that are difficult.  Have you ever been around someone who erupts like a volcano when you least expect it?

This personality type is extremely unpredictable.  You find yourself thinking one way and this person reacting another.  In your mind, you play things over and over, because you cannot quite get a grasp on what made him or her snap.  If someone frequently erupts with extreme reactions, you can feel like you are walking on broken glass–you are guessing every step and every word.

Loving this personality type is a trick, but Christ in you can make it possible.  Remember, love never fails.  In this case, love needs to be direct.  If someone unpredictably erupts with you, the best thing to do is to get them into a private conversation; remove them from influencing others.  Then, listen to what is really bothering them.  Many times the erupter is simply over the top with the issues of life and it is a combination of many, many circumstances.  Let Christ in you be understanding, but tell the truth about how that action affects you and give them suggestions for ways of responding in the future.

“Don’t just pretend to love others.  Really love them.  Hate what is wrong.  Hold tightly to what is good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”  Romans 12:9-10

We have been talking about how different personalities challenge our love walk each day.  Let’s get real and honest here.  You know the ones I’m talking about; the folks who press our buttons "just so" making it difficult to give them Jesus!  Some people use us; take advantage of us.  Jesus knows all about it; he took up the cross for the users and takers, too.  Now, he challenges us to do the same.  "If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine."  I guess that means sometimes our reactions have to be placed on the cross, so we can follow the agape path with Jesus, right?

Difficult Personality #2:  The Taker/User.  If we stop for a minute and think about it we know people who we feel use us; take advantage of us. This person is busy trying to gather everything for themselves.   For some reason, this personality feels if they do not take the things they need, even if it means using us, they will not be happy or will be in lack.   It takes placing great confidence in the love of God for us to avoid being a taker; we’re selfish.  Apart from Grace we can all fall short of living in God’s love.

Possible Coping Strategy:  Recognize what is motivating this personality type–fear.  We must offer love by setting boundaries.  There is nothing wrong with protecting your time and energy, as well as helping people remain accountable in loving you. If you don’t set boundaries, you risk an equally wrong mindset and become a martyr.  Many times people do not realize they are using us; be honest and help them by setting "love" boundaries.  Believe the best and stand the test!

In Paul’s second letter to Timothy, he said, “You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times.  For people will love only themselves and their money.  They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful.  They will consider nothing sacred.  They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control.  They will be cruel and hate what is good.  They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.  They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.”  2 Timothy 3:1-5. Do you ever find yourself facing difficult people in your family, friends, neighborhood, and job?  I would add church to that list, but we all know no one in church work could be difficult, right? ha!

No matter where you go in life, you will find people who can push your “wrong” buttons and start you off toward the negative.  But, God tells us that His grace is available when we need it and that love never fails (Hebrews 4:16 and 1 Corinthians 13:8).   We are called to share the love of Christ.  What does that look like?  Over the next few weeks, I would like to chat about different personality types and some possible coping strategies that might help us.  As well, I would like to invite you to share positive things that have worked for you.

Difficult Personality # 1:  The Tank.  This person runs over the top of everyone in site.  Whether or not he/she means to do so, you feel run down and drained by this personality type.  It’s a control issue.

Possible Coping Strategy:  In my experience, drawing power swords with this personality is really futile.  I am trying to listen and pause before responding.  Some days I do that better than others; duct tape would be a good thing on those days.  Speaking the truth in love is important (Ephesians 4:15).  Choose to take a stand with the issues and things that are really important; learn to allow those things that are not important to slip through your emotional fingers. Pray for wisdom to know the difference.

God calls us to be transformed by the renewing of our own minds; the way we think must change in order for us to be models of transformational living as followers of Christ (Romans 12:2).  We bear personal responsibility for our spiritual maturity; no one else can make the decision for us.

God’s Word and Spirit give us the power; the authority for eternal change.  Therefore, if we find ourselves stagnant in our call to discipleship, we have limited the power of grace (according to Spurgeon Grace is the Mother and Nurse of holiness and not the apologist for sin).  Sometimes we resist this Grace-nudging change because it means we need to turn away from certain mindsets and actions–sin; God wants to bring a greater revelation of his love for us by delivering us from the things that hold us back. But the process of change, in Christ, is painful.  Do you find yourself resisting the good things God desires to bring into your life that means change for you?  The battle for change takes place in your thought life first; it’s the enemy’s stomping ground.  What happens in your thoughts that tries to hinder the Spirit’s transformational work in you? 

We all desire to offer something worthwhile in life; a way to make a relevant contribution to the well-being of others.  In order to bring that valuable contribution and make powerful connections, it is necessary to know yourself; to offer the best you.

Missions is a way to love and serve others.  “How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong.  Because someday in your life, you will have been all of these.”  George Washington Carver